It is Sunday morning, 7:30 AM, and I am awakened by a visit from the kitty mafia.

I am lying diagonal across the bed, covers kicked off from a restless night, when I hear the first "PRRRT" by my ear. The mafia - or rather, the mafia's muscle - have arrived and they want my attention.

They walk circles around me on the bed, careful to keep in exact parallel. When Chet is by my head, Dante is busy by my feet. When one stops by my right hand, the other waits by my left.

Chet, as always, is the 'good cop'. He nuzzles my hand and purrs sweet nothings in my ears. "You know we hate to do this, so just make it easy on yourself. I won't hurt you. I love you. But I can't control Dante. He gets a little hungry, and he gets a little crazy, y'know?"

He's right. Dante is the heavy. He's maybe not as smart, but he makes up for it with his other 'talents'. He is the bad cop with a wild look in his green eyes. He purrs twice as loud as Chet, circling and stopping and punctuating with the random "Mrrrawpt!". But occasionally his purrs are punctuated by nips at my wrist or ankle. Or a well-aimed claw darts under the comforter to 'tap' my foot. I keep an eye on this one.

Dante looks up at me while inching closer to my bare wrist. "Lady - the orange cat is right. We don't like this. But we gotta do what we gotta do. The bowl's empty, lady. And we're hungry. I'm hungry. And we can't reach the bag, see? But you can. You can help us. You want to help us, right?"

Chet drops down in a heap on the pillow by my head. "Just a few steps to the kitchen, lady. A few steps and we'll leave you alone. C'mon. You can do this."

Somewhere by my ankle, I feel kitty teeth graze against my flesh.

I sit up, a broken woman, and head to the kitchen. The kitty mafia follows close at my heels.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

If you haven't set your Tivo to record this show yet, do it now. Utterly hilarious!

Here is what I have learned today: I should never EVER view pictures of myself. Jesus. I don't photograph well. Or I have a mental image of myself that is completely different from Kodak's image of me.

So you're not getting any Vegas pictures.

But instead, I will paint you a picture with words!

The trip was wonderful - really fantastic. While I don't know that I'd recommend a visit to Las Vegas in July again (110 degrees every day!), I would definitely recommend staying at the Monte Carlo Hotel. It's only four years old, right on the Strip next to New York New York, and the service was great and people were friendly. While not as high-profile as, say, the Bellagio, it's also not nearly as crowded and crammed.

We arrived on Thursday, did a bit of gambling, had a bit of dinner, and then walked to the Bellagio to check out the fountains. Beautiful. Utterly beautiful. I could have been happy watching those fountains for the whole trip - they're just amazing! A bit of gambling finished out the night and I won! Started off with a $230 jackpot. And on that note, went to bed.

Friday, we met up with a bunch of Keith's old friends from Long Island and took a trolley to the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton Hotel. Again, let me mention, pseudo-airconditioned trolley in 110 degree heat? Not so good of an idea. Star Trek, however? Geek heaven. I'm not nearly the hard-core trekkie that some on the trip were, but I had a great time checking out all the old props, and the part where you get to stand on the bridge of the Enterprise? Oh yeah. A moment of silence for pure geekdom, please. My adorable Trekkie geek boyfriend was in pure heaven - having been denied the experience last time he was in Vegas. I'm surprised he ever left the merchandise shop!

After Star Trek, we stopped by the Adventuredome (I think) - an indoor amusement park at Circus Circus. Unless you have kids, I wouldn't recommend the trip. Though one of the guys with us completely made out on the carnival games and left carrying armloads of stuffed toys.

Dinner Friday night was a restaurant in Mandalay Bay called rumjungle (note the trendy use of no capital letters, baby.) Very good Carribbean food. Very good Carribbean drinks. Very costly -- of course. If you ever find yourself there, check out the ceiling of the women's rest room. S'all I'm saying.

Saturday was for lounging around and meandering among the themed casinos. Luxor was pretty inside, but very dark. NY NY is my favorite inside - really cool theme of the areas of the city. Saturday night was Mystere - Cirque de Soleil's performance at Treasure Island. Very impressive and moving. Though having seen Alegria a few months ago, I think I enjoyed that more. Perhaps because it was my first?

Sunday was for tanning by the pool and shopping at the Aladdin (which, according to a cabbie is suffering greatly with its middle-eastern theme right now. As is Paris.) And another $250 jackpot. And a very long, late flight home. We walked into the apartment at 2 AM Monday morning - and I was very happy to be in my own bed with my kitties and no ding-ding-dinging slot machines as my background music.

The trip was fantastic and charming and I'm so glad I got to share it with Keith - who dealt quite well with my inability to walk through a casino without veering towards a slot machine. ;)

And no, Mom. We didn't elope!

Five days! Five days I'm gone and you people hijack my comments threads! I just can't have nice things. I can't. Sigh.

I should point out, however, that those thread hijackers were almost entirely responsible for some of the stranger, more devious and deviant things that ever went on behind the scenes of GemStone III. Including, but not limited to 3 AM wars between the ghost of Jimmy Hoffa, Mothra, Gamra, Godzilla, and Bleeds (and, as I recall, a lava lamp at one point. And a severed arm.) GM trading cards, pants filled with sheep, lobster lunch boxes, SWAT raids on Wehnimer's Landing, spanium kicking boots, 200 halfling deputies, and an accidental invasion of troll kings. These were a few of the odder, and more amusing points in my early game career. And my apologies that they will make no sense to anyone who wasn't there. Or who never participated behind the scenes in a MUD or MUSH or MOO.

I do miss the fun we all had in the wee hours of the mornings, sleep deprived and hopped up on caffeine - but sadly, it's also a thing I can't have back. Partly because of things like non-compete agreements, but also because the game industry was so new for me then. I was just learning how the smoke and mirrors were set up and seeing for the first time all the great and powerful Oz's behind the curtains. I know how it's all done now. And most of the magic goes when you learn that. I don't get absorbed in games to the level I once did, because I'm always focused on the little errors or what would have worked better. I look at game boxes and know what graphic design points were argued over. I look at game systems and can tell where the compromises were made, or where the kitchen sink was thrown in to please an executive.

I really miss believing in the magic.

Very Amusing Celebrity Essays.

While looking for info on Penn and Teller tickets for Vegas this weekend, I came across a section of their website devoted to Penn's essays from the road. Great, funny stuff! I've always been a fan of the duo, and am even more so after reading Penn's random essays. Be sure to check out "Helpful Outlaw Penn" for Gamera laugh.

It's always the last day before vacation when the fit hits the shan, isn't it? With a few hours to go, I'm in the midst of fighting with some message board software over what I mean when I tell it to purge a bunch of old posts. Technically, I suppose I'm fighting with a SQL database disguised as a message board. But in the end, I will win. For I am human and superior to the server - at least until the machines rise up and take over the world.

After that, I'm probably screwed...

Alright technically, Claudette was heading right for us when I posted that earlier. Now she's sort of swaying drunkenly off to the west and we'll maybe catch the slightest tail edge. We're definitely getting her winds though - as I can see my plants waving back and forth out on the patio. I wonder if garden orb spider (I've got to get her a name) will spend the evening unwebbed tonight...

She's headin' right for us!

Of course, she won't be a hurricane by the time she reaches Austin, but we should see some heavy storms tonight. The skies outside are already graying as we begin to see the clouds from her leading edge.

I've never actually experienced a hurricane. Though back in New Orleans, I came close. Hurricane Opal was heading straight for the Crescent City and I remember stocking up on water bottles and candles and filling the bathtub with fresh water as instructed by the local news. I was young and fearless and stupid and wanted to ride out the storm down in the French Quarter with the rest of the lunatics, but at the last moment the storm took a hard right and shot up into Biloxi.

While she's not a strong storm - I think they only upgraded her to hurricane last night - I have friends down around Galveston and sure hope they're riding out the storm in safety.

"So its Monday and I'm trying to catch up on a bunch of editing at work and put out a few fires here and there, and I need to go shopping tonight for a couple of things for the trip this weekend. But I also need to clean the house and finish up some laundry and maybe I'll just go home beforehand and throw the laundry in and then go to the mall to do the shopping. That would work, wouldn't it? But first I need to finish these edits and maybe clean up my desk so it isn't so messy when I get back from vacation. Which sucks, you know, when you come back from vacation and things are messy and you have to clean off the bed before you get into it. Or in this case, your desk. Which isn't really like my bed - though I spend more time here. But wouldn't it be great if I won a bazillion dollars while I'm in Vegas and I wouldn't even need to come back? And I'd just share it with all of you and buy you whatever you wanted, because we're talking about, like, a bazillion dollars, right? Which is, really... well... it's a lot of money and so I don't mind if you need a bit here or there to buy yourself a nice car or a new hat or maybe a tropical island. Because I'll share. I'm like that. But first I have to finish these edits and then remember to go to the mall and put the gas bill in the mail and send back the Netflix movies. And finish these edits and cat food for the cats! And litterbox and film for camera and all that other stuff and where was I?"

The preceeding post has been brought to you by four cups of iced coffee on an empty stomach.

And the letter Q.

After lo these many months, it is finally clear to me. My patio is an urban nature preserve.

First, there was the possum. Well, no - that's not quite correct. Before the possum, there were squirrels, geckos, the occasional little green lizard, random roaches, an occasional train of ants. Then the infrequent mouse or two who run along the far fence late at night. And then the possum showed up - so there was that.

The nomadic, nocturnal garden spider - who is at this moment setting up her web for the evening. I just checked on her, spinning happily away in the bushes.

Friday evening, a praying mantis was perched on my gate. She sat on the black metal, rubbing her feet together. Her head turned from side to side as I watched.

Yesterday morning, a big lizard - probably 8 inches long - sat sunning himself on the patio.

And tonight, I sat outside reading a bit of Notes from a Small Island, I heard a rustling near the corner plants. I looked up, expecting something creepy or crawly. At which point a big frog hopped out of my plants, bounced across the doormat, and jumped along the side of the house to disappear into the bamboo trees.

I figure it's only a matter of time before Bambi comes nosing at my front door.

Fantastic, fun, frumpy, friendly, fickle, furious, FRIDAY!

It's been a long and busy week, and I'm utterly thrilled the weekend is on the horizon! I'm looking forwarded to sleeping in, playing a bit of Morrowind, sampling a bit of dim sum on Sunday and indulging in some Sean Connery movie fun on Sunday afternoon. Somewhere in there, I need to clean the apartment and perhaps have the car inspected. And soon, there shall be Vegas, baby!

The spider apparently travels by night. I ran into her again last night. Same location, brand new web. I think she must be setting up the web each night to catch the bugs hitting on my patio light. A bit like a cop in a speed trap outside the local bar. Except slightly more deadly. And not really like that at all.

My mind wanders far from my desk today...

So what are your weekend plans?

Have web, and apparently will travel....

Last night I stepped outside to take out the trash. On my way back to the apartment, I looked up to see a beautiful garden spider had created a 2-foot web between a tree and the post of my terrace. She was huge, black and yellow, and hanging quietly in the center of her web, waiting for dinner to stumble by. I watched her for a bit and made a note to grab the camera this morning to post a picture.

Woke up, found digital camera, went outside, and she was gone. Not a trace that there was ever a spider. No trace of the web. I can't imagine what happened last night, but I feel bad that she must have spent hours spinning her web and now its gone. Maybe she wasn't catching any bugs? Do spiders move for bad web placement?

Such a shame that a bug (or rather, arachnid) that doesn't make me cringe in horror shows up and just as quickly disappears.

Easiest way to get happy is to quit being pissed. Earlier angry post deleted. Working on my worldview improvement project.

Oh yeah - and scheduling myself a massage.

Lest it be said that I got no funny, I give you a link to external funny. I wonder if he knew he wanted to be a honker when he grew up?

We were discussing physical appearance at lunch today and how everyone has that thing they hate about their body, and the thing they secretly - or not - love. And how the grass is always greener when it's on someone else's body.

My college roommate, Sara, was 5'10", willowy, and ate anything she wanted to, all the time. She had this long, swan-like neck that I, of the stubby, stumpy neck coveted. I mentioned this to her one day in a moping fit of self-image surliness.

"It's not fair. You eat whatever you want, never gain an ounce, and you have this long graceful neck! You wear turtle-neck sweaters and it works! I wear them and they look like a scrunched muffler!"

Sara looked down at me.

"Yes. But you've got the rack I'll never have."

She had a point there.

I'm past all that now, and as I get older, I find things about my body that I do really like. My hair. Love the hair. Used to hate the hair as a kid, but now? The curls is good, eh? And my skin that I never take good care of and yet it still stays smooth (she said, channeling her mother)? Love that too.

The rest is just details.

And now for your amusement, a ten-year-old picture of me that I forgot was on my server. Taken on my 24th birthday - so technically ten years and one month ago. Time sure does fly.

So what do you like about your body?

I rarely eat at McDonald's anymore. I broke the habit about a year and a half ago, and now the thought of eating there is generally unappetizing. But occasionally, I have a moment. Just a moment - every 3-4 months - when I'll have a brief craving for a filet o fish sandwich, or a sausage mcmuffin. And as long as it's every 3-4 months, I let myself give in.

Because when I do, I get grossed out enough to last another 3-4 months. Like today.

I was in a hurry. I wanted a sausage and egg muffin. So I popped in the drive-thru. And saw a new menu item. It looked like the same old mcmuffin but with toast instead of muffin. I couldn't really tell from the picture.

I ended up with this.

What vile, disgusting mind came up with this concoction? Revolting! Oh, it was so utterly disgusting I had to spit out the bite I tried. Sausage, egg, and cheese - between two pancakes? "with the sweet taste of maple syrup baked right in"?!?! EWWWWWW! See, now I'm grossing myself out just remembering it.

I'm pretty sure this will let me get through another 4 months without McDonald's.

As my four astutue readers may have noticed, I added commenting to the site. Yay! I also updated the archive page so you can now explore the history of strange things I've said on this site dating back to June 2000. I poked around in there last night and realized it was a bit like reading my old high school diaries. Embarassing cringes combined with moments of astonishment, 'Hey. That's good. Did I write that? Huh.'

Oh yes, and I'm goin' to Vegas, baby! Yay more! While there, I plan to win mind-boggling riches so that I may take everyone away from all of this, plunk us all down on a nice, tropical island, and we can drink rum drinks and bask in riches for the rest of our lives. Or maybe I'll just finally go see the Fountains at Bellagio and enjoy a long weekend. Can I get a yay!? Yay!