It's the perfect time of year
somewhere far away from here
I feel fine enough, I guess
Considering everything's a mess.

Barenaked Ladies, "Pinch Me"

That's my life. Everything's a mess. Though mind you - that isn't an entirely bad thing.

There's bad messy - that's work. I'm frustrated and saddened by that part of my life lately. I've been trying to think of what's getting to me, and I think it reminds me of 4th grade. Remember in 4th grade when (and you're lucky if you don't have this memory), for whatever reason, your group of friends turned on you? Maybe a new popular kid joined the group and didn't like you. Or maybe everyone got a new toy and your parents didn't buy you one. Or maybe there was no real reason beyond it being your turn to be the leper. I think it's the thing to do among 4th graders. Arbitrary and pointless alienation of group members. "We don't really know why we're mad at you, but we are. No, you didn't do anything wrong that we'll tell you. We just don't like you anymore." That's what my work life feels like lately, but on a grown-up scale. I'm standing on the other side of the professional playground, wondering what I did wrong and feeling like I can't do anything to fix it.

But then there's good messy - and that's everything else. Life outside work is happy, goofy, grinning, sleepless, mew fun. I'm happier than I've been in a long time and busier and nothing is getting done so my apartment is a mess and my bills need paying and the car needs washing, but that's all fine by me at the moment. Because it's so nice to have someone who makes you feel special and smart and cute (and I mean special... not, you know... 'special'). And it's even better to find someone with all those qualities of his own.

So in the end, I suppose its Yin and Yang. The sun shines on one part of my life, and thunderclouds gather over the other. Black and white, day and night, opposites attract. The stress of the bad mess makes me more grateful for the good mess. And the good mess gives me the strength to deal with the bad.

Or as someone wiser than I put it:

Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.

Therefore having and not having arise together.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short contrast each other;
High and low rest upon each other;
Voice and sound harmonize each other;
Front and back follow one another.

Therefore the sage goes about doing nothing, teaching no-talking.
The myriad of things rise and fall without cease,
Creating, yet not possessing,
Working, yet not taking credit.
Work is done, then forgotten.
Therefor it lasts forever.

- Tao Te Ching

"Ostriches."

"What? Where?"

"Well, perhaps emus. Back there. We just passed them. In the field."

He pulled the Jeep to the side of the highway, whipped a quick U-turn and went back.

"See? Emu...ish... thing. Big bird. There. I'm pretty sure it's an emu. They raise them for meat."

The emu was strolling along, behind a fence, eyeing the two people checking him out. Behind him, in the distance, several more dark heads popped up out of the field, their feathers glowing gold in the late afternoon sunlight. We watched them for a few minutes, then pulled back out onto the highway.

About a mile further down the road...

"Zebra."

"What?! Where?"

"Right there. By the trees."

We pulled over again, this time to watch a lone zebra idly chewing on some grass. He glanced over, mildly curious. We stared back, utterly confused by the presence of a zebra in the middle of the Texas hill country. Emus? Sure. But zebras? That's just weird.

We pulled back out onto the highway.

"Elephant..."

He grinned at me.

"Alright. I'm just kidding," I tugged the baseball cap down to shade my eyes, "but it would be perfect, wouldn't it?"

For those pondering a career in retail, here's a helpful lesson in really closing the sale...

I went to Sephora recently - expensive makeup, perfumes, basically an all around 'girlie' place for indulging that part of my nature on the rare occasions that it bubbles up. In addition to a few splurges, I needed to pick up some basic makeup, the most boring of all girl purchases. The saleswoman pushed me over towards the Clinique display, pulled a few vials down, sorted out my colors, and handed me a bottle.

As I turned towards the cash register, she said, "Wait a minute. Have you ever tried using a concealer?"

I hadn't. She pulled out a little compact and reached out to angle my chin towards her so she could dab on a sample with the little green brush.

"Oh, this is wonderful stuff, I swear by it," she chatted as she brushed concealer under my eyes. "And the best things is that if you use this, you won't look so tired with those dark circles under your eyes... I mean... ummm."

It was one of those great moments when you watch someone blunder a rude comment, know what they're saying, yet be powerless to stop.

I suppressed a grin. "But couldn't I just accomplish the same thing by getting more sleep at night? And save $17.50?"

"Err, yes, well, I guess so."

Go figure, I bought the stuff anyway. :)